Today, Tuesday January the 23rd, Rafter releases Music for Total Chickens, his second album on Asthmatic Kitty Records. The long journey from not buying Music for Total Chickens to buying Music for Total Chickens is not an easy one for chickens. Barriers, such as social contact, possibly driving or ordering from Internet, can all hinder this normally easy process. For those that are actually biologically a chicken, you will face even more seemingly unsurmountable obstacles such as obtaining human funds, speaking the dominant human language, and escaping from a chicken coop.
The sadness of the impending close of the Official Rafter Music for Total Chickens Video Contest will also complicate this task.

Yet the end result is very advantageous. For example, one reviewer for the online music website DISCOLLECTIVE felt much better after listening to this album even though listening to it demanded bravery. Rafter’s oddly crafted but precise pop is a challenging record – but one that is ultimately rewarding, and internally edifying.

Using some simple ideas communicated via bulletpoint, this guide will inspire the necessary bravery and help human and real chickens alike to obtain the new Music for Total Chickens.

STEP 1: INSPIRE CONFIDENCE

  • Read text about the album, such as the description, or reviews. Pay less attention to the actual words than the mood they evoke. Let the words blend together for a complete understanding of response and perception. Be prepared to develop your own perspective!
  • Watch submitted videos in the Rafter Music for Total Chickens Video Contest. The visual interpretation of Rafter music will provide yet another way to understand, and know, the music on this album.
  • Download the available, free  MP3s. Play this music at varying volumes, but never too loud that it damages your hearing, or too soft that you forget that you left your portable music player on. Try putting the music on at different times of the day for a variety of internal responses. Remember: Playing this album loud in an apartment complex at 4am may cause undesired social response!
  • Listen to the full, free stream of the album. Do not deviate from the web-page, otherwise the player will abruptly end, no doubt filling your once happy heart with sudden sadness.
  • If you are a real chicken, hum what you may think the album would sound like if you had human hearing.

STEP 2: DECIDE WHERE TO PURCHASE

  • Take a deep breath, as this step may require personal contact. After finding a comfortable seat, pick up your telephone and dial your local independent record store. Request politely whether Music for Total Chickens has arrived. DO NOT BE ALARMED if the album is not immediately available! Breathing regularly, ask the human being on telephone when the record will arrive. Plan accordingly. Sketch out possible bus routes, or roads to drive on, remembering that traffic and construction may alter your intended route.
  • Human contact is always desirable. However, if you do not feel that you are at the appropriate stage, pursue alternate means. You may wish to order from Asthmatic Kitty Records. Their staff is specially trained in helping real and human chickens order albums. In fact, their technicians have engineered a special link to purchase this album directly from Asthmatic Kitty Records, for $10. You can access this technology by clicking here.
  • If you do not wish human contact, OR a physical product with which to hold in your hands as you listen to the album, you may find Music for Total Chickens on iTunes by clicking here.
  • If you are a real chicken, you may have to procure your album through less immediate means, such as smuggling in the music via chicken feed.

Hang on! You’re almost there!

STEP 3: WAIT FOR ALBUM

  • Wait for album to arrive. This may take anywhere from a few moments to a a few days depending on your method of purchase. Do not worry! Instead, use the time to reflect on how far you’ve come!
  • If you are a real chicken, you may have to wait a very long time, as smuggling via chicken feed is a sketchy business. Keep trying, chicken!

STEP 4: LISTEN TO ALBUM

  • Using appropriate starting mechanism, such as the play button on a music player, begin listening to the album. As the music plays, you will slowly realize that this journey has taken you many new places. Deeper introspection will reveal that you have grown inwardly as a human being, or real biological chicken. You may also have made some new friends along the way. Be thankful for this, smile, and enjoy Music for Total Chickens. 

Finally, remember: it’s not the end of the journey – it is just the beginning!